Fundamental Family Rules
Fundamental Family Rules |
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1. THE GOVERNING PRINCIPLES OF THE RULES
Before you embark on your reading of the "Fundamental Family Rules," it is important to understand and grasp the principles behind them. The following four points will hopefully help you to do that.
Offences Warranting Excommunication are only those offences which are deemed extremely serious. Exceptions to anyone breaking these rules will not be permitted. In other words, if you break one of the rules listed under this category you will be excommunicated.
The excommunication rules apply equally to the new babe and to the seasoned leader. They govern us all, and if we break them we will be excommunicated. The length and severity of the excommunication may vary according to the circumstances, as would a sentence given in a court of law. The Procedures for Excommunicating Family Members (pg.110) cover how excommunication will be handled and whether it will be full or partial.
A member can only be excommunicated for breaking the rules listed in the category Offences Warranting Excommunication.
As mentioned earlier, there are both behavioral and procedural rules. The procedural ones are quite structured, with some of them, like the Home Size Rules, carrying automatic penalties if disobeyed. For example, if your Home population is reported as oversized on two consecutive TRFs, your Home will automatically be put on Probationary Notice. Another procedural rule is that if your Home does not pay its bills and as a result has outstanding debts for two months in a row, your Home will likewise automatically be put on Probationary Notice.
Some of the behavioral rules are by their nature a bit more subjective, although we have tried to make them as precise as possible. Breaking these rules can result in some form of discipline, ranging from an admonishment, to your Home putting you on Probationary Status or to the CROs moving you to TRF Supporter Status, depending on the severity and frequency of the offense. The discipline must be appropriate and proportionate in each particular case.
Some examples of discipline that a Home Teamwork might employ in the majority of situations include: The assigning of extra duties like dishwashing, the loss of Home responsibilities, the temporary forfeiting of an activity or privilege, such as missing a movie or an outing. Often a verbal admonishment will suffice for the first offense. Home Teamworks should also be encouraged to assign reading lists and the writing of reactions to what was read to the offending Home member to help strengthen them in their weak area.
The behavioral rules are important because they help set the Family standard for acceptable behavior. These particular rules have been chosen because they are deemed important, helpful and advantageous for all DO members to follow. They reflect our religious beliefs, and their purpose is to help all of us put those beliefs into practice in our daily lives. By all of us keeping these rules, we can more easily live together in harmony, as we will all be adhering to the same behavioral standard.
These behavioral rules are to be obeyed by everyone, from top leader down to brand new babe. However, unlike the Offences Warranting Excommunication, there are times when exceptions can be made to the behavioral-type rules, in a rare situation where an exception is warranted, or in an unavoidable circumstance.
As hard as you might try to keep the rules, it's inevitable that at some time or another you will break one of these behavioral rules. When you do, you do not need to be fearful that you will lose your place in the DO Family! Depending on the situation, you might be admonished by your Teamwork, or it may just be mentioned to you if your disobedience is a rare occurrence or special circumstance. However, if you generally disregard or regularly break these rules, some appropriate discipline will be meted out.
If it's not in the Charter or the "Fundamental Family Rules" it's not a Family rule! This is a very important point. Everyone needs to understand that other than the specific rules listed in the Charter or the "Fundamental Family Rules," there are no other rules in place for the worldwide Family.
The Family is expected to fulfil the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" and obey the "Fundamental Family Rules," as well as Home Regulations that the Home itself establishes by a majority vote. If someone violates, contravenes or fails to fulfil these, they can be disciplined, but only for those reasons.
As stated above, any matter not addressed in the Charter or in the "Fundamental Family Rules" isn't a rule. It is up to each individual and/or Home to decide how, or if, other matters should be made rules for their lives or Homes. Of course, you will want to pray about all such matters, counsel about them, look in the Letters and other Family pubs to see the counsel given, but then it's up to you and/or your Home to make a decision on how or whether or not to apply the counsel.
As you know, there is a wealth of counsel and guidance throughout the Letters and the other pubs which should be adhered to, and if you read and apply this counsel the Lord will undoubtedly bless you. It is, however, up to you to make the decision whether to follow that counsel or not. It is your responsibility to make that decision and to live with the outcome of your choices. You have the right to choose in these matters, and you have the responsibility for your choices.
2. OFFENCES WARRANTING EXCOMMUNICATION
DO members will be excommunicated for:
DO Family members are not permitted to engage in physical sexual activity with outsiders, or even TRF Supporters, for various reasons. One reason in particular is because we do not want Family members to get AIDS. "Sexual activity" in this case is not limited to only sexual intercourse, it includes any and all physical sexual activity, including kissing on the lips.
There are some live-out members and Family friends who became members or befriended the Family prior to 1987 during the FF era. In a few rare instances these relationships became de facto marriages, and thus sexual contact was allowed to continue. These cases have been approved by WS Leadership, and the Continental Offices involved are aware of each case.
It is our Bible-based belief that male homosexuality is ungodly. Family members will be excommunicated for engaging in such activities. This clause is purposely worded in this manner to make it very clear that it is strictly forbidden for men to have any kind of sexual activity whatsoever with other men.
This is the "no sex with babes rule," which has been a Family rule for a long time. The reason for this rule is two-fold: First, because beginning sexual relationships with either a new or rejoining member diverts their attention from the most needed aspects of babes training, which include getting into the Word, building a relationship with the Lord, and learning to live within the Family. Sexual or romantic relationships during those first six months are viewed as an unneeded distraction.
The second reason is because new members need to get an AIDS test when they first join and then be retested after six months. We want to ensure that they are not HIV-positive and/or do not have AIDS. Medical evidence indicates that it is best to check someone twice, at the beginning and end of a six-month period, providing sufficient reassurance that they are not carrying the HIV virus.
This means that no DO members can cross over the age boundaries established for sexual relations in the Charter without being excommunicated. In other words, this does not only apply to those over 21 who have sexual contact with those outside of their permitted age group, but also that if anyone over 16 engages in sexual activity with anyone outside of their age range they would also be punished under this rule for these offenses. It also means that no one age 21 or older is permitted to engage in sexual contact with anyone under 21, except for the particular age groups mentioned and under the circumstances listed above. (See Definition of Terms for meaning of "sexual contact.")
We chose "substance abuse" to cover the full range of possibilities, both legal and illegal. Some intoxicants are not illegal, but the use of them is considered abuse. For example, sniffing glue or taking certain over-the-counter drugs for non-medical reasons can result in getting "high." Even though not illegal, those activities would be considered substance abuse.
We added "the use of illegal or illicit drugs." The definition of "illicit" is "not sanctioned by custom or law." Family members should not be taking illegal drugs or drugs that, though perhaps legal, are not sanctioned by custom. For example, there may be some drug that is legal only because it's new and hasn't yet been made illegal, but its use is not acceptable within our custom or society, so we consider it illicit and therefore not allowed.
The Classifications of Family Membership and Literature clearly state who is permitted to read certain classifications of Family literature. It is not permitted for DO members to knowingly give our DO literature to those who are not authorized to have it. This includes DO Members whose Home has been put on Probationary Notice, and are therefore not eligible to receive new WS mailings of DO material.
In exceptional cases, World Services, including the CROs, may give permission to give literature to some people who would not normally be allowed to receive it, such as some academics and lawyers, etc. At times we have given them literature for their research, and while technically this is giving DO lit to non-DO members, it has been deemed expedient, necessary and beneficial. However, only the CROs and WS are authorized to make such a decision.
For your information, we've also begun a new "DO/TS" rating for certain publications which go to both the DO and TS Family (but not to outside friends), as well as a "TS" rating, since we have begun sending our TRF Supporters more GNs and other pubs.
Family members should not be violent or commit any life-endangering acts for any reason, except in the rare case of trying to defend themselves or others, or Family property. For example, you are allowed to commit a violent act if someone is about to bash you--or any innocent helpless person, for that matter--over the head with a bat, or is trying to grab your children or set fire to your property, etc.
This "committing violent acts" clause also covers violence with one's mate or children. If a Family member were to become violent with their mate or children, they would face excommunication. If, however, a mate was defending himself or herself from spousal violence, then it could be judged a matter of self-defense and not necessarily grounds for excommunication. (See also "Our Stance Against Physical Violence" Statement.)
It is understandable that from time to time we have questions or even doubts that we may need to have resolved by discussing them with someone. When such an occasion arises, you should feel free to openly and honestly share your heart with your Shepherds so you can get the needed answers and prayer. Such matters are legitimate and need to be expressed, so it's perfectly acceptable to talk about your doubts or your criticisms with an appropriate Shepherd when trying to get clarification or counsel, or express an objection to something that you're having a difficult time understanding or following. If you're doing it with the right attitude, and with the right people, those whose job it is to try to answer and help you resolve your questions, as well as shepherd you through these things and help you overcome any misconceptions, then there's nothing wrong with it.
However, if you are speaking to members who are not the appropriate Shepherds, and if after having been warned against it, you continue airing matters which result in the spreading of doubts or bringing about contention or division, then this is unacceptable behavior and will warrant excommunication.
As Dad has said, "Failure to report a crime is a crime" (ML #662:22). If, for example, a Family member sees, or knows about, an adult who is engaging in sex with a minor, or they know of someone who is sending DO literature to outsiders, then it is their duty to report it. If it is discovered that a member knew of such a situation and didn't report it to their Shepherds, they will be excommunicated along with the person who has committed the offense.
As stated before, the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" and the "Fundamental Family Rules" must be adhered to, obeyed, and followed by everyone if they wish to be DO members, unless there is a special circumstance that prevents them from doing so.
Although it is understood that there will be special circumstances when certain rules can't be obeyed, if the special circumstances become the rule rather than the exception, and thus someone is continually breaking the rules, then they can be either fully or partially excommunicated. Of course, some effort by the Teamwork should first be made to help the erring member correct their behavior, including personal counseling, assigning them a reading list on the subject, or Probationary Status, and so forth. But if these efforts fail, then the member should be recommended for excommunication.
So if a member persistently disregards the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" and the "Fundamental Family Rules," they are in jeopardy of being excommunicated. The word "persistent" is defined as "persevering obstinately," and "disregard" is defined as "to pay no attention or heed to; to ignore." So if someone is stubbornly and obstinately paying no attention to or is willfully ignoring a clause in the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" or flagrantly disobeying a Fundamental Family Rule, after being corrected for it, then they will face excommunication, either full or partial, depending on the situation. For instance, if a member's permission is withdrawn to remain in a specific country in accordance with the Procedures for Withdrawing Permission to Remain in a Country, and he flagrantly disobeys that order, he will be excommunicated.
Excommunication means that a person loses his Family membership, as well as access to Family literature and fellowship. Partial excommunication is a lesser form of disciplinary action that is determined by the Continental Office, which will result in the member losing his right to read DO literature, his voting rights and possibly other rights as well.
This ends the Offences Warranting Excommunication section. Now we move on to the other nine categories of behavior-related rules.
3. OUTREACH RULES
In the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" it is clear that both individuals and Homes are to engage in evangelism. Witnessing is what we are here for, it is one of the major goals of the Family. In order to ensure that we are fulfilling this responsibility, it is a rule that we all seek to meet a minimum requirement for getting out witnessing on a regular basis. Homes are expected to get all their members, JETT-age and above, out witnessing at least two hours per week or eight hours per month. (There may be some behind-the-scenes type Homes, like LIMs, which could, with WS Leadership permission, have an exemption from this rule.)
Because children of all ages enjoy and benefit from witnessing, we recommend that all children have an opportunity to go out witnessing whenever practical. Families can go out witnessing together, for example, giving out tracts in the park, taking the children along for follow-up appointments, etc.
This mandatory witnessing requirement also applies to all Area Officers. Due to the nature of the Continental Offices, they are not required to engage in outreach but they are encouraged to personal witness when possible.
4. SCHOLASTIC AND SCHEDULE RULES
a) Junior teens who have completed their Junior High School curriculum: A minimum of four hours of study time per week (vocational/ministry study and/or scholastics, as chosen by the teen). (Note: Vocational/ministry study refers to quiet study time or classes from the pubs or reference material. This is time other than on-the-job vocational training.)
b) Junior teens who have not completed a Junior High School curriculum: A minimum of eight hours of study time per week; that is, four hours of scholastic study, plus four hours of vocational/ministry study.
a) National children, living in their own country, must be given the necessary time to learn to sufficiently converse in their national language.
These are the minimum requirements for the schooling of our children. Please remember that our children have a right to an education as specified in the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights." It is the responsibility of each Home and each parent to make sure that every child is receiving a proper education. Every Home must set aside the above listed minimum times for the education of their resident children; however, if the amount of schooling given during this time is not enough to give the children, or a specific child, the education guaranteed them in the Charter, then it must be increased.
If the parents or the Home cannot supply an adequate education via home schooling, they may need to consider outside schooling, private tutoring, etc. It is not enough for a Home to supply the minimum school time if it does not result in an adequate education for the children.
The Junior High School curriculum, as referred to above, should cover at least a grade 8 level of education. For course materials, you could (1) develop a suitable program following the "Childcare Handbook" and the "Home Schooling Program," supplemented with appropriate reference books and materials; (2) use suitable Christian materials; and/or (3) use suitable secular study materials available in the local language.
When JETTs graduate to Junior teens at 14, they can begin their Christian Vocational College (CVC) program, pursuing their High School diploma and a number of Vocational and Christian Studies Proficiency Certificates, if they so desire. (Note: The completion of their Junior High School curriculum is included in the CVC Academic program.)
Because our Family is international and thus multilingual, there is a need for a common language, one in which most Family members can communicate. Because Dad and Mama's mother tongue is English, and thus our WS pubs are originally published in English, English has become the common language of the Family, the language that is generally spoken within the Homes. There are, of course, certain areas of the World where Home members speak the local language within the Home, which is commendable and encouraged where feasible and expedient.
However, the fact that English is spoken in most of the Homes has sometimes made it difficult for the national children to become competent enough to witness in their national language. All of their friends within the Home speak English, and thus most of the day they converse in English rather than their national language. It is, however, very important that the national children living in their native country or language area learn to speak their national language. To accomplish this, our national children must be given the necessary time to learn their language.
There may be times when an individual family will be in a foreign land, and not have the opportunity to use their national language. In such cases the parents should still try to speak to their children in their national language in order to teach their children their mother tongue. For example, if a Japanese family were to move to Australia, it would be beneficial for the parents to make an effort to regularly speak to their children in Japanese, so that their children will learn or retain their national language.
Although it is only required that children (ages 6 through 15) have two hours of local language study per week, it is good for everyone in the Home to learn the local language so they can witness. This is especially true for our JETTs, and our Junior and Senior teens in countries where learning the local language is important, as otherwise they will have a more difficult time in their witnessing. Of course, the earlier children begin learning other languages, the better.
To grow in faith and knowledge of the Lord, our children need to read God's Word. The Word Curriculum course has been designed to help them get the Word-based spiritual training they need. Each child should have their own copy of the Word Curriculum booklet (Kidz #79 DO and Hope #54), and their progress should be recorded by marking the checklist.
a) On days when school-age children and teens go witnessing, only one hour of Word time is required.
All the above schedule requirements are minimums. The Home and the parents must see that children are provided the time and opportunity to get their minimum sleep and Word time. Since each child is different and has different needs, the amount of sleep needed will vary from child to child, so the parents and the Home should take into account each child's needs.
When children up through the age of 13 are out witnessing, it may be difficult for them to get a full nap, but hopefully it will be possible for them to have a quiet rest period.
Although not required, some 14 and 15-year-olds may also need a daily or regular nap, or rest period. The need for rest time for that age group should be decided by the Home, in consultation with the 14 and 15-year-olds.
5. CHILD DISCIPLINE RULES
A summary of the "Family Discipline Guidelines" can be found in Appendix E.
6. FOOD AND DRINK RULES
It is a Family belief that it is unhealthy to eat Biblically unclean foods. There may be times when people will serve Biblically unclean food to you as their guest, and in such a case it would be unkind and unloving to your host not to eat it. There may also be times on rare occasions that a provisioning team is given something that is unclean; for instance, a pork roast. If your Home is in agreement, then you may proceed with serving it in your Home, but be sure you have the faith for it and that you faithfully pray a cleansing prayer over it (1Timothy 4:5). Another example might be if you are eating pizza on a special occasion that had some pork sausage on it. Occasionally eating pork sausage on a pizza would be quite different than regularly eating pork sausage.
As explained before, exceptions for rules can be made "only in a rare situation when warranted or in an unavoidable circumstance." If once in a great while an individual or Home eats something unclean, it would be considered "rare," which is defined as "occurring infrequently," so in such a case it would be permissible. However, if your provisioner was asking your meat contact for pork, or if your Home was requesting your provisioner try to provision unclean seafood, or if you have a choice between clean and unclean foods, and you choose the unclean, then this would be disregarding the rules.
Each Home should do its best to provide a nutritious, well-balanced diet for all of its members, taking into account the special needs of babies, growing children, nursing and pregnant mothers, the elderly, as well as the sick. They should avoid serving the Home foods that the Bible teaches are unclean.
Family members should avoid, which means to shun, as much as possible the eating of any kind of unhealthy food. This means you should not only shun Biblically unclean foods, but also avoid foods and drinks with a high sugar content, or other unhealthy or non-nutritious foods such as bleached white flour, white sugar and white rice.
This is oftentimes more difficult when you get something to eat or drink when outside the Home. Ideally, you should not consume any foods outside your Home that your Home would not have the faith to serve in your Home. Of course, if you are extremely thirsty and the only thing available to drink is a Cola, then you might have to drink it. But if there was something else available and safe to drink, which didn't have a high sugar content, then you should choose that instead. This is not a license to regularly eat food containing refined and bleached white starches or sugar, or drink beverages with high sugar content, either at Home or when out.
There are appropriate occasions for having foods that have sugar content or are made with white flour; for example, on a birthday you might have store-bought cake and ice cream. Ice cream, unless it's homemade, definitely has quite a bit of sugar in it, and would fall under the category of food that has high sugar content. However, it would be acceptable, because it is an appropriate occasion.
The key word pertaining to this rule is "unavoidable." Remember, the rule is to avoid unhealthy foods. If you are regularly eating and drinking such things, and are making an insufficient effort to acquire the proper types of food, you are breaking this rule and are subject to disciplinary measures.
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These amounts of alcoholic beverages are the maximum allowed each week. This is not a recommendation for everyone to drink these amounts, it is just to establish the maximum allowable limits. All other alcoholic beverages, such as whisky, gin, vodka, etc., are not recommended for consumption, nor permitted in a Family Home for the purpose of members' weekly ration.
In some countries, drinking alcoholic beverages is illegal, and therefore you must abstain at all times. This is a rule letting you know that you cannot go over this specified amount; this is not a right that gives you permission for weekly wine. You'll notice that the drinking of alcoholic beverages is not listed under the Rights of the Individual in the Charter! In many countries, alcoholic beverages are very expensive and an unneeded luxury. If your Home doesn't have enough school supplies for your children, or enough tools for outreach, then you should question whether you can afford to buy alcoholic beverages for the Home.
Those under the age of 18 are not permitted to drink alcoholic beverages; however, in your own Home, on special occasions or celebrations, the Home could decide to let the teens drink a glass of wine or a punch which has some alcohol in it. Of course everyone, no matter what age, can partake of communion wine.
There also may be times when your Home has a celebration or a special event at which you wish to serve an alcoholic beverage and may decide to serve more than the maximum listed here. Since this would be a special occasion or rare occurrence which warrants an exception, it would be allowed. In the Governing Principles of the Rules it states, "Family Rules are to be obeyed at all times by all DO members, with exceptions only in a rare situation when warranted or in an unavoidable circumstance."
Because caffeine is a stimulant and too much of it can cause health problems, the daily intake for caffeinated drinks is two cups. If you find that you suffer some ill effects of caffeine, such as temper, hyperactivity, nervousness, insomnia, etc., you may want to consider abstaining from it.
7. GET-OUT RULES
Those over 18 need to have regular get-out time in the fresh air not less than four times per week in order to qualify as having sufficient exercise. Of course, the ideal is that everyone has a vigorous get-out every single day, but in many cases that just is not realistic or practical, so if it were required, nearly everyone would be a rule-breaker. We believe that four times a week is a realistic minimum.
If the weather is such that you can't do your get-out outdoors, you can still have vigorous exercise indoors.--And if you open a window you'll get fresh air as well.
Different people have different needs regarding the level of activity that they can, or should, do on get-out. For some older adults, taking a walk may be vigorous get-out, but the same walk may not be sufficient for a YA or teen. They might need something much more vigorous. So an adult should not expect that a walk or a leisurely bike ride is always enough get-out for a JETT or teen. Be aware that different people have different needs, and try to accommodate them as much as possible.
Those under the age of 18 must have get-out a minimum of five times per week, but daily is recommended. Children will also benefit from short periods of recess or play time outdoors throughout the day, in addition to their minimum daily get-out time.
The activities that our teens and children engage in need to be age-appropriate. For example, you wouldn't let a young child climb a tree because it is not safe, but you might allow a prayerful and careful JETT or teen to do so, because for them it might be safe.
The point is that some of the things that you wouldn't allow young children to do, you could let JETTs or young teens do. There are even some activities like climbing trees and skateboarding which Mama said our kids shouldn't do, that she now considers may be allowed if age-appropriate. Although it wouldn't be wise to allow young children to do some of these activities, it might be perfectly okay for older ones. If it's an appropriate activity for an older teen, then they can be allowed to do it, whereas a younger child or even a younger teen might not be able to do it.
You will also notice there is no list of activities that people cannot do. This means that if someone feels an activity is okay and they pray, look to the Letters, and get the agreement of their Home about it, then they may do it.
For example, body building: We don't think body building for the sake of building huge muscles is good, because it can be a pride trip. However, we're not specifically outlawing all exercise utilizing weights. Lifting weights, when done for the purpose of vigorous exercise, could be beneficial, especially in places where the weather is poor and it is difficult to have regular outdoor get-out. So if a teen or an adult decides they want to start lifting some weights for their get-out, they can, if the Home agrees, as it falls under The Governing Principles of the Rules, which state that all other matters that are not specifically covered in the Charter or the Rules are to be decided upon by the individual and/or their Home, after counsel, prayer, reading of the Word, etc.
If a teen boy decides he wants to start lifting weights, or a teen girl wishes to begin doing aerobics for their get-out activity, and these activities are not already being done in the Home, they should bring their proposal up to the Home for counsel. If a simple majority of the voting members agrees the activity is acceptable, they may proceed with these activities. If the Home does not agree to allow the activity, then the activity would not be permitted.
Perhaps the Home may want to allow the activity, but they have some reservations about the effect of the activity, such as a concern that the teens might get into a proud spirit, trying to look like "Mr. Muscles" or "Miss Glamour." In such a case the Home might choose to allow the activity but put some stipulations on it, such as allowing it only a few times per week with the understanding that if it begins to bear bad fruit in the teens' lives, they will need to stop.
Generally, most sports have a certain amount of competitiveness. For example, in playing a game of birdie or tennis, there is a measure of competitiveness, but it's the spirit and degree of the competitiveness that makes the difference. If someone is aggressively competitive and their serve is so hard and fast that you would have to be a professional player to even return the serve, then that's being overly aggressive! Or when playing basketball, football or other such games, hogging the ball and having excessive body contact would also fall into the same category. The purpose of playing a game of tennis or a game of birdie or any other game is for exercise and enjoyment. The mild competitiveness is what makes the game fun, but if people get so involved that they get into the wrong spirit and hurt others, either by injuring them or making them feel bad through overly competitive or aggressive actions or unkind and unloving words, then it's not good. If it has reached the degree of competitiveness that it comes close to portraying the spirit of war, as Dad explains in "Are You a Good Sport" (ML #179A), then it's out of line. But a little competition mixed with good sportsmanship isn't necessarily a bad thing in itself.
The main thing to remember in doing get-out is to pray.--And play it safe! Remember, the Law of Love also applies to get-out! Love is more important than winning, and many times greater joy and lessons come out of being a level-headed and safe player, or even a good loser.
8. DRIVING RULES
Only those with valid driver's licenses should be allowed to drive on public roads. An unspoken Family rule seems to have developed that only men should drive. We would like to dispel this notion, which is why you will notice that the rule states that both qualified men and women may drive.
Dad has written a great deal on vehicle safety. Unfortunately, for many Homes the criterion for using a vehicle is, "Does it move and will it get us where we want to go?" Driving a vehicle is dangerous enough without driving one with faulty or weak brakes, no lights, or bald tires, etc.
If your Home is using a vehicle, it is the Home's responsibility to make sure it is legally registered, insured and safe. Perhaps a good way to judge if a car is safe is to ask yourself if you would feel confident enough to take Mama for a ride in it. We recommend that your Home appoint a vehicle deacon to make sure the cars are well maintained.
Some people who have valid driver's licenses really aren't very good drivers. So if someone is not prayerful and/or careful or safe, then the Home may vote to revoke their driving privilege, at least for a given period of time.
If a driver causes an accident, they should lose their driving privilege for a period of time, which should be decided by the Home's voting members. This does not mean that any driver that is involved in an accident should lose the privilege. A driver may be in an accident that was not his fault. If he was stopped at a traffic light and someone smashed into the rear end of the car, that's not his fault, he just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, though there may be a lesson to be learned from it.
But any driver who causes an accident, or who has to be repeatedly warned about reckless or unsafe driving, including speeding or not tuning in to his or her driving, should have his or her driving ability questioned. If someone hits somebody or smashes into another car, it brings up the obvious question of why it happened. Was the driver not paying attention? Was he or she being unsafe, unprayerful? Is the Lord trying to get through to him or her on something, etc.? As driving is such an important responsibility, in that you risk your life, the lives of your passengers and the lives of those that are around you and in other vehicles, anyone who causes an accident should have their driving privilege suspended for a period of time. As Dad admonished, "The driver's seat is one of the most responsible and dangerous positions in the world! Take it seriously and ask God for help" (MOP 4:1).
The appropriate period of time would have to be decided by the Home. If someone causes a minor accident, denting a fender, maybe he shouldn't drive for a short period of time, but if he causes a major accident, maybe he should have his driving privilege suspended for six months, a year, or longer. However, the penalty cannot always be determined only from the seriousness of the accident. Perhaps the lesser accident was just the Lord's mercy on the Home, but indicates a much more serious problem with the driver. The Home will have to decide.
Drivers should be safety-conscious at all times, and may need to go above and beyond the local regulations and customs in some countries not known for their traffic safety standards.
Driving is serious business in which everyone involved is in a potentially dangerous situation, and therefore requires a great deal of prayerfulness. It would be good for the driver and the passengers to make it a habit of frequently praying out loud for the Lord's help and protection. Passengers should be mindful of the driver and should not distract him; they should be watchful and in prayer for the driver. The person sitting in the front seat next to the driver should consider it his or her job to be the "driver's buddy" and assist the driver in every way possible and needed. Sometimes it's good and important to talk to the driver to keep him from dozing off at the wheel, especially if driving in the evening or in very hot weather, etc.
a) An already experienced driver who has a valid driver's license and considerable Family driving experience, and who receives a recommendation from two of the Home teamworkers that he/she is a safe, competent driver, does not have to meet the 20-hour requirement.
The term "new driver" used above not only applies to those who have just recently acquired a driver's license, which would generally be a senior teen or YA, but also those older Family members who may have had a driver's license for a number of years, but due to lack of actual driving experience may not be a qualified driver. In such a case, a Home may decide that these drivers need to have some fresh hands-on experience before they can drive a van full of children or take witnessing teams out, etc., and therefore vote in the same requirements that a new driver is expected to meet before getting their card--that is, 20 hours driving time plus approval from the teamworkers.
The supervised driving time would not necessarily need to be official "driver training," as our Homes probably don't have time for this in their busy schedules, but can be on-the-job practice. For example, an 18-year-old could do provisioning pickups with an experienced licensed driver in the car, who could instruct the new driver during the course of the day's driving. However, we do not recommend that new or inexperienced drivers drive a van full of people before getting their Family Driving Certificate.
While we are stipulating that two Home teamworkers and a competent Family driver can approve a "new" driver, after he or she has had their 20 hours of driving experience, the Home itself should also be in general agreement with the individual driving. Any voting member in a Home has the right to bring up in a Home Council Meeting the subject of driving and/or a specific driver if they feel he or she doesn't drive safely, to be discussed and/or voted on by the Home. In other words, those riding in a vehicle driven by a designated Home driver should have a reasonable amount of confidence in the driver's abilities, and if they don't, they have every right to bring it up for discussion in the proper forum.
9. HOME LIFE RULES
Going two-by-two is Scriptural and a wise principle that Jesus established, and this rule has been in place since the beginning of the Family. There are, of course, times when it's not possible to go two-by-two, but for the most part, members should. When it is deemed not possible, it should be with the agreement of a Home Teamwork member.
In most cases you should try to take as a partner someone who is able to be of assistance in case of an emergency. For instance, your partner should be old enough and responsible enough to phone the Home in case of any problems or if they were to get separated from you. Determining whether a child is responsible enough to be a partner on a particular occasion will also depend on where you are going, how far from Home, if you will be driving or taking public transport, etc., and should be a matter that is counseled about and agreed upon by the Home Teamwork.
Members need to make sure that they have copies of their legal documents available. It's wise to carry sufficient and appropriate identification with you when you're off the Home's property. What you would choose to carry would depend on where you live. In many places a driver's license or local identification card will suffice. In other places a photocopy of your passport would be enough. If you have to carry your actual passport, please make sure it is kept in a safe place, like in a money belt, or in a neck pouch inside your shirt.
In some countries carrying identification is not required by law; however, it is a good safety precaution to carry ID at all times when out.
Although our larger Homes have a greater measure of fellowship, such is not the case with smaller Homes. And because we feel that Homes with four or less voting members may become rather dry spiritually without fellowship with other Homes, we want to encourage them to have regular fellowship with other Family members. However, in light of the time and logistics involved in organizing such a fellowship, it is only required that such small Homes fellowship with other Homes if they are nearby.
If the rule were to state that every Home that has four voting members or under must visit another Home once a month, it might cause a great deal of hardship in some cases. For example, if the nearest Home is 1,000 miles away and you must go there every month, that is going to be very expensive and quite taxing. You'd either have to fly, or it would take a day or two to drive there and another day or two to drive back, plus the day of fellowship, so that's five days out of your month!
If the nearby Home is a maximum of two hours away by car or bus or train or ferry, then it is much more feasible to visit once a month. The travel and fellowship time could be done in one day and shouldn't cause any undue hardship. Exceptions may be made for reasons of health.
In some cases, some Home members might desire to take a secular job or perhaps run a business, as a means of support. As the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" does not specifically prohibit it, it is generally allowed. We are not recommending it, but it's not forbidden. Since such a decision affects the Home, financially and otherwise, it will be the Home that decides, by two-thirds majority, if they will allow any of their members to get a job. They should also discuss and decide who can get a job and what kind of job is acceptable. Remember, if you want to get a certain job and the Home doesn't want you to, the Home's decision prevails; but you can seek out another Home or start your own if you don't want to abide by the decisions of the Home you are in.
Similar to the situation with adults getting outside employment, the "Charter of Responsibilities and Rights" does not specifically prohibit children attending System school, so it is generally allowed. We are not recommending it, but it's not forbidden. Since such a decision affects the Home, it will be the Home that decides, by two-thirds majority, if they will allow any of their children to attend outside schools. The voting members should also discuss and decide which children should go to an outside school and what kind of situation is acceptable. Remember, if you want to send your children to a certain school and the Home doesn't want you to, the Home's decision prevails; but you can seek out another Home or start your own if you don't want to abide by the decisions of the Home you are in.
Some of the teens or adults may want to attend a night class on some subject that would be helpful to their ministry. If the Home is in agreement with the plan and the subjects, they can vote to allow it.
a) An exception to this rule is if the movie has already been previewed and recommended by another Home's teamwork who has watched the movie with the age group they are recommending it for, or by an Area or Continental Officer.
We hope that in most cases, Homes will select the movies they watch from those rated by WS in the Family Movie Guides or other Family publications. However, in cases where rated films are unavailable and/or the Home wants to watch a film that has not yet been rated (such as a new release), it's important that the film first be "screened" in order to make sure it is appropriate for the Home, particularly if the planned audience will include teens, JETTs or children. In other words, the Home teamwork must not go solely on the recommendation of someone who may have seen the movie (unless the recommendation comes from another Home's teamwork or an Area or Continental Officer, as explained above), but should appoint a Home previewing team of at least two people, including a teamwork member if possible, responsible to preview the movie.
While this may be an inconvenience, it will save time in the long run from having to deal with the negative repercussions that a bad movie could have on people. You may want to review what Dad has said in the Letters about System movies to help your Home in previewing and rating videos.
If you feel that a movie (or portions of it) is suitable for an age group younger than the suggested rating, you may show it to them, provided you have previewed the movie, and counseled about its suitability with a responsible adult.
There is an extremely wide spectrum of System music, some of which is Godly and edifying and much of which is not. It is not possible to legislate exactly what kinds of music can and cannot be listened to. There are a number of Letters from Dad and Mama, as well as various Hope Mags and other pubs on the subject which give the guidelines for listening to System, and even Family, music. Family members are expected to follow this counsel when selecting music to listen to.
Ecclesiastes 12:12 says, "Of making many books there is no end." The World is full of millions upon millions of books, some good, some bad, some edifying, others not. It would be impossible for WS to make a comprehensive list of acceptable books as we have done with movies. Because of this, if someone in the Home wishes to read a book, other than an educational textbook or a book included in a WS recommended book list, they must first explain to their Home which book they wish to read and the Home must agree by a simple majority.
Like movies or music, books are spiritual food, and if you eat bad food, it does you harm. Certainly not all books are bad, but neither are all good, so care must be taken in the choice of reading material, especially in our busy lifestyle. Although some books, like some novels, are not unedifying, they nevertheless generally take a fairly long time to read, which would take away from our more important duties like reading the Word, witnessing, fellowshipping with others, etc. When deeply engrossed in the reading of a novel, the reader can often tune out what is going on around them and become absorbed in and sometimes even addicted to the novel. Such absorption can be spiritually detrimental. For this reason it is necessary for the Home to come to an agreement if they will permit a member to read a specific book other than educational textbooks or those on the recommended book lists.
10. HEALTH AND HYGIENE RULES
There are many guidelines and much counsel given in the Letters and other WS publications regarding health and hygiene. Even though they are not listed here as rules, this counsel is extremely beneficial and should be seriously considered and followed whenever applicable. All we have listed here are the basic health and hygiene rules, which include:
This covers smoking cigarettes, cigars, pipes or any other substance people can smoke.
Please try to avoid spreading infectious diseases to other Homes. If members of your Home have a fever or a sickness that is infectious, it would be best to avoid visiting other Homes. Please be prayerful and understanding in these matters, and if a Home asks you not to visit, because either their Home or yours has sickness, please comply graciously.
If any outsiders request to come to your Home when someone in the Home has an infectious illness, you should tell them that some members are ill and suggest that it might be wiser for them to postpone their visit. If they still want to come, you can accommodate their request, but at least you have informed them of the illness.
11. SEX AND AFFECTION RULES
One of the main things that sets us apart from other churches is the Biblical freedom that we have the faith to practice under the Law of Love, especially our sexual freedom. The sexual freedoms the Lord has allowed us are a beautiful and fruitful part of our faith. Having the opportunity to share sexually within our Homes brings about a unity and love that is not present in other churches. It is especially helpful in our communal lifestyle as it draws us closer to each other and to the Lord.
Sharing sexually is a delicate matter since it deals with our emotions and the emotions of others. Because of this, our sexual freedoms must be governed by the Law of Love to ensure that others will not be hurt, and that we will not be guilty of purposely or unwittingly hurting others. These Sex and Affection Rules are designed to help us live within the boundaries of the Law of Love.
The above clause stipulates that the parties involved must be in agreement with engaging in sexual activity. As to who is an "involved party": In the case of a married person, who is planning to share with someone else, that person's mate is one of the parties involved. If a wife feels that a single brother in the Home needs sexual fellowship, or if she has been asked by him to share sexually, then her mate must agree to it, as he is an involved party; if he doesn't agree, then she should not do it.
Of course, according to the Law of Love the husband should be loving enough to share his wife with a brother in need. Likewise, the wife and the single brother should be loving enough to understand if the husband has difficulty with it.
For a different scenario, let's take a case of a single woman and two single men in the Home: The single sister decides she would like to share with one of the single brothers, but the other single brother happens to have intimate feelings for her, and might feel somewhat jealous about this date taking place. In this case, the single woman does not need to get his consent or agreement because he is not an involved party. He has no say over what she does because she's not his mate and therefore does not need to be consulted.
However, you'll notice that the second part of this clause states that precautions must be taken so that others are not hurt by the activity. In this scenario, if the single woman and the single man are planning to have a date, they should be considerate of the single brother who has feelings for the girl, and take precautions, at least as much as is possible, so as not to hurt him. For example, the date could happen when this single brother is out witnessing or is watching a movie or is doing something else. Or at the very least, when these two share they should try to do so in a place where this fellow will not overhear them.
We need to do all we can to avoid hurting others. Of course, sometimes people are hurt regardless of the precautions we attempt to take. Let's go back to the married couple spoken of before: The wife is planning to share with the single brother, and though the husband gave his agreement, it is still possible that the husband might be hurt.--He might experience some jealousy, or generally find it difficult to share his wife with someone else. However if, because he believes in the Law of Love, he consents to be hurt, in a sense, by agreeing that his wife should share with a brother in need, then this is acceptable; in fact, commendable. That's the sacrificial side of the Law of Love and of sharing.
Of course, there may be times when the wife and the single brother might need to refrain in deference to the husband; this also is the sacrificial side of the Law of Love and might be the loving thing to do in a given situation.
Should the Teamwork feel that a particular sexual relationship between Home members is hurting others in the Home, or causing problems, the Teamwork is, of course, free to shepherd and offer counsel in order to help solve the problem or help things to improve.
If you are going to be away on a trip or visiting another Home for an extended period of time and you foresee situations coming up where you might share with others, couples should pray about it together beforehand and come to an agreement.
In accordance with the Law of Love, we should avoid doing anything that would hurt others. As sexual affection or activities in front of others could cause hurt, it should be avoided in public areas of the Home. You'll find more specifics on the subject in FSM 241, "The Affection Revolution." Such activities should be carried out in private.
If a sister or brother does not want to share sexually with someone, they should not be coerced into doing so. If you wish to have a date with someone, and they do not wish to have a date with you, then you should not try to make them feel that they are not being "sacrificial." Perhaps you need to be more sacrificial by forgoing the date with them. Maybe if you pray and ask the Lord to supply someone to fill your needs rather than trying so hard in the arm of the flesh, you might get better results.
Husbands and wives should, as much as possible, consent to having sex when their partner requests it. The Bible says, "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence [love-making]: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency" (1Corinthians 7:3-5).
Dating by teens, ages 14 and 15, with other teens, ages 14 through 17, will be under the authority and responsibility of the 14- or 15-year-olds' parents or legal guardians.
Those 14 through 17 may date if they wish, providing they have received permission to do so from the junior teens' parent(s) or legal guardian(s). Parents or legal guardians may allow their junior teens to date and have emotional and physical contact with other teens that the parents deem appropriate, but may not permit their junior teens to engage in sexual intercourse or skin to skin touching of genitals by the dating teens. While those 16 and 17 are permitted to have full sex with those ages 16 through 20, 16- and 17-year-olds are not permitted to do so with junior teens that they may be dating.
Those 14 and 15 who break these rules will be subject to disciplinary action, and in jeopardy of being put on Probationary Status or other disciplinary action decided upon by their parents or legal guardians.
It is our belief that our Senior teens will have the maturity to lovingly engage in sexual activity with other consenting Senior teens and YAs and that in doing so they will operate in accordance with the Law of Love.
By permitting you 16 and 17-year-olds to participate in the sexual freedoms granted by the Law of Love, we are opening the door for you to step into a new realm of maturity and adulthood. You will be faced with fully living the Law of Love, with the responsibility of making sure your actions with one another are guided by love and not by lust, that you hurt no one.
Permitting you to choose whether or not to become involved sexually with your peers is a sobering step for everyone involved, both for you as well as for the adults. As adults, we better understand the potential emotional pitfalls of sharing sexually with one another and the difficulties which can arise, the battles of jealousy, of feeling left out, of unloving actions, etc. We realize that we will need to help you overcome these battles, that you will need shepherding, understanding and a listening ear. But because we believe that the Lord wants you to grow into spiritually mature Christian adults, we are willing to take on the extra burden of helping you through these lessons. We are permitting you to partake of sexual sharing within the 16-20 year age range with the understanding that you will agree to be shepherded by the adults, and that you will be open and honest about your questions, tests and trials.
These freedoms are sobering for you because you will now be faced with decisions which could have life-changing consequences. Love-making can result in newborn children, and resultant children will need to be cared for by mommies and daddies, and these mommies and daddies will be you. So you will need to realize that although you have the freedom and right to engage in sexual activity, you also have to take the responsibility for your actions.
Another thing to keep in mind: You will notice that in the root clause it says "sexual activity is permitted only with consenting partners ages 16 through 20." It is very important to realize that not everyone in your age group is going to want to engage in sexual activity, that some will want to wait until they are older or until they feel more prepared for it. Others will only want to dabble in it, while yet others will want to partake fully. The choice whether to take this step is a very personal and individual choice based on each person's faith. No one should feel pressured one way or the other by anyone. If you are trying to convince someone to have sex with you or to go farther than they want to go, or if you are applying peer pressure in any way, then your actions are unloving and are contrary to the Law of Love.
There is a great deal of Word on this subject which you are expected to read in order to help you fully grasp the depth of God's Law of Love and how to live in accordance with it.
We are expecting that you will face this new challenge as loving, mature Family members who will use these freedoms in love, the way the Lord and Dad and Mama have always intended them to be practiced.
New members, and members rejoining the DO Family, must refrain from sex for the first six months they are in the Family.
As explained earlier, sexual activities are to occur only if both parties are consenting. This clause covers any specific sexual activities which one partner may not feel comfortable engaging in. For example, if a man particularly likes having a woman perform oral sex on him, but she doesn't like it, the man should not try to badger or in any way try to coerce her to do so.
Simply stated, people should not force or try to coerce their sexual partners to do things that they don't want to do. To do so is unloving and unkind.
The Law of Love dictates that we should not hurt others. Passing on a sexual affliction would be hurting others and should therefore be avoided. Anyone with a sexual affliction should take appropriate sanitary measures to avoid passing on their affliction to others. They should also inform their sexual partners about their affliction.
This now ends the behavior-type rules. The rest of the rules are now procedural-type rules.
12. ELECTION RULES
Definition of Terms:
Voting Members: Members of the Home who have reached the age of 16, and who have been in the Family for at least six months.
Simple Majority: A vote in which the will of over 50% of the voting members determines the outcome of the vote.
Two-thirds Majority: A vote in which 67% (two out of three voting members) must give an affirmative vote for a measure to pass.
There are some voting procedures that require the use of a secret ballot, and in such cases the Home must use a secret ballot as the method of voting. Most of the votes which will be conducted by the Homes will not require secret balloting, and therefore each Home may decide what method of voting it will use. Such methods could include a discussion and simple show of hands, or checking off a chart left on the Home's bulletin board, etc. There may be many different options, and the Home must decide by a simple majority which option to use.
a) In the absence of a voting member, a Home can still vote on a matter and enact the outcome. If, however, the vote of an absent member causes a change in the outcome of a Home's vote, the matter enacted will cease.
b) The absent member can, if he chooses, appoint a proxy (one who will vote in his place). If a proxy is appointed, the absent member cannot vote upon his return on a matter that was voted on in his absence, as his vote was already cast by his proxy.
(1) Th e proxy cannot vote in place of the absent member on financial matters.
a) Elections for a temporary Teamwork must be held within seven days of a new Home opening. Within 90 days of the new another Home Home opening, Teamwork election must be held.
When a new Home opens, the members must hold immediate Home Teamwork elections to elect a temporary Teamwork. Sometime during the next 90 days, preferably once the new Home has gathered most or all of their personnel, they must hold another election.
Then, on the date for the next Home Teamwork election, or Vote of Confirmation, the Home would conduct another election or a Vote of Confirmation, so as to be synchronized with other Homes worldwide.
a) Nominated members have the right to decline a nomination.
b) The names of those nominated must be posted in the Home until the election is held.
c) Homes of more than three voting members must have at least three Teamworkers who are responsible for Personnel, Outreach, Business, and Childcare (if there are children). The Home can decide, by a simple majority, if they want to have more than three Home Officers.
d) Only voting members can be nominated and elected to Home Teamworks.
(1) Since 16 and 17-year-old members have no vote in financial matters, they are not eligible for the Business Teamworker position.
(2) Members 16 to 20, and voting members who have been live-in DO members for less than one year, will be considered "trainees" for their first six months on a Home teamwork if it is their first time ever on a Home teamwork, as outlined in point 6 of the Home Election Guidelines in Appendix D, page 193.
a) In the event of a tie vote, a run-off election for that Teamwork position is held.
</(1) If the tie is unbroken after three run-off elections, then the Home must decide, by a simple majority, if the two candidates should both become part of the Teamwork, or if they should alternate being on the Teamwork, one for the first three months of office and the other for the second three months.